What is making me tick today!? So many things, but particularly that a hint of spring is in the air. I am deeply longing for grass under my feet and the pushing up of small green shoots from the ground. It has been a long winter (it is probably the same as ever but seems longer)… The snow is dirty and icy and full of grit and the edges of the road are ugly.
But the ugly roads always take us somewhere and I would like to relate a small tale of a friend, let us call her Gill. She has just had a birthday and may recognise herself if she is reading my blog…. Gill had a year under her belt….sober and loving it. She is part of a little sober group that we have – some of the most precious adorable people on the planet – and she had been ”absent” in the chat for a while. She told us the other day that she had been hiding her drinking for a little while as she thought she was fine and. had in ”under control” and then it slipped out of her control and she wrote us a poem and asked if she could ”confess”. We adore her, nothing she could do could make any of us judge her or turn our backs on her. Her ugly road led to somewhere beautiful, because it opened up an honest conversation in our group as to how it seems to some (also lingering on the fringes) that most of us have it all together. Most of us are loving our sobriety and the gifts it brings… this needs of course to be celebrated. It is the most celebratory fact in the world, the joy of a newly sober person…. But even though we love our sobriety, that is not the whole picture.
We too have ugly roads and difficulties that we are picking our ways over and through and around if possible. There are things in each of our lives which we wish were different, things that are hard, and times when we fail and berate ourselves. But.
The big but (not my big butt).
Any of those things done with a hangover, a feeling of shame, a feeling of guilt and self-loathing, a lack of energy and all the other stuff that comes with over-drinking… ANY OF THOSE things is made triple quadruple more difficult to face.
So I am thankful today that I am sober. I am not perfect, my life has lots of room for improvement believe me. But I tackle these things knowing spring is coming, knowing I have an unquenchable zest for new and interesting things, and an energy to pursue them, which I would NOT HAVE if I was drinking.
So, you fringe dwellers, email me anytime, dive in deep and courageously to being booze free. You only have to not drink right NOW. That is all.
Love me xxxx