Three years today

This is truly expressive of how I feel.

So here I am sitting on my sofa, 743am. I made the decision that changed my life, and it started three years ago today. I celebrate inside that this happened to me. I went out for dinner last night with my kids, and totally coincidentally we were at the restaurant where I had my last alcoholic beer! Exactly three years before. 31st July 2018.

If you are reading this, thinking about ditching the booze… which is why I wrote this blog in the first place – and you are struggling… then please take heart. It is much more scary from your position than it is in real life.

The best thing WITHOUT A DOUBT, that I have done for myself in my adult life. Possibly, my whole life. Life is not without challenges at times, and yet, had I been numbing with drink I would be so vastly worse off. I think I would have had a mental breakdown by now, with all the shite that is going on in the world.

The other night I had a moment where I just soooo wanted something to swallow that would calm the massive irritation in my chest. I breathed, I walked my dog, I tried to change channel in my head, I prayed. It did work. I did not drink.

There is never a time when I am ”safe” from going back to the short cut to peace. The lie that alcohol portrays… Drink me, I am going to make your evening such fun! Drink me, this is just what you need to relax! Drink me, and your crowd it going to rev up and enjoy themselves. All this is a total lie. Lies that nearly everyone who drinks believe. I will never judge a boozer … being only a step away myself… but it takes removal from the booze bus to actually see the reality of what happens.

My darling dearest friends were with me that other night, and it was really good fun… but then a line crossed… and I saw the rapid deterioration in a friend, the desperation of trying to insist that this was the ”best night ever”… and yet the fallout for them would have been as for me… rough and grotty and regretful waking up.. for what? I had a great time! I laughed and sang with the best of them, but was fully aware of life all through it..

So my word for the day for me is GRATEFUL. Grateful for Belle #tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking @tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking who I paid to get me through the first 100 days, and then the first and second years. Money really well spent. I still send her the odd email, and she always replies. Grateful for the fellow non-boozers in my path, on my road and in my heart. The shared struggle really bonds us.