299. Happy number.

Hang in there.

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Hello fellow humans:-  drinkers, lurkers, non-drinkers, normals, hopefuls, failures… all of us are one or other of the above and maybe more!

Tomorrow I can type:

It has been:

  • 300 days of waking up really well
  • 300 days of feeling proud of myself at some stage in the day
  • 300 days of no regrets
  • 300 days of being poison free
  • 300 days of no hangover
  • 300 days of having to deal with my emotions really just me
  • 300 days of discovering that actually it is possible that you can live without alcohol

I want to encourage you if you are struggling.  I never IN A MILLION YEARS thought I could type the above.  It is not possible to go into this ‘letting-go thing’ thinking long-term.  It is too frightening, too final, just too much for our brains to cope with.  Hence the one day at a time.  It is not a desperate ”hanging in there” it is a calm fun one… like the picture above 😉

I would be lying if I said I did not fantasise about drinking ONE DAY.  I do think/dream/ruminate upon the idea of going back.  I imagine going back to wine when I am 65.  Then I realise that some of my good friends are 60 soon (you know who you are) and realise that actually it is not that old!!!  So I may extend that to 70!  Or I may drink sooner?  But I do know that without DAILY maintenance on my sober life I will go back.  There is no question.  It is a daily topping up of the sober fuel tank.  If I go a few days without doing that the impression grows slightly that I COULD drink, it would be okay no?  Hmmmm slippery slope.

The thought of going a year without alcohol is no longer this terrifying thought.  It is something I just shrug and say to myself, wow!  I hope I can put up a great before and after picture on the FB page!  TBH my before and afters are not that dramatic… I had a high bottom when I opted out of the booze escalator.  But still, I can see the brightness and steadiness in my eyes.  And I know that I can look in the mirror straight into my eyes and not want to hide.

I am definitely going to explore more, the THING IS NOT IN THE THING.  I will do more blogs, even if it is just for me.  And tbh it is mostly for me, there is not a massive amount of activity on my page!  But if you do tap in, say hi?  I am often surprised at the countries represented!

Hugs to you all

Barbs x

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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