264. Long time no see – SORRY

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I am still here!  I have been away and busy busy busy with kids and so on.  I have not been very loyal to my blog!  I do think that not very many people read it!  If you do, please give me a little hi!  Thanks.

Well in the time between stories, I have been in the States and in South Africa.  I have done several long haul flights in decent class of the aeroplane (due to husband being airline employee not due to riches) so have survived being on holiday in sunny drinky places and refusing champagne and other free expensive wines.

That was one of my great big fears.  Saying no to free booze.  Decent free booze!  It is so funny how the terrifying things have become normal.  How going on holiday now is not a fearful alcohol free event, but a happily alcohol free break!  It is so so so good.

I will not lie, I have had some (few) times when I HAVE JUST BEEN DESPERATE TO RELIEVE MY DISTRESS OR IRRITATION.  Situations (silly irrelevant to anyone else) have been in my radar which are causing me feelings of discomfort.  I have nothing that I can do to ”scratch the itch” except 1) accept the feelings of discomfort and stop trying to bury them 2) pause and wonder how I can best care for myself and sometimes cry 3) use treats and tea to self-soothe 4) listen to podcasts and 5) do some stomping walks.  And the feelings pass and the balance revisits.

Being sober is so much less complicated.  Had I been facing some of my inside thoughts with a hangover OH MY GOD ALIVE it would be 400 times worse.  Hangovers and the attendant shame, sorrow, depressing feelings, regret etc. are something that I NEVER want back in my life. Ever.  My life is so much simpler now that I can trust myself and feel proud of myself and look myself in the eye.

If you are out there reading this and you are wondering if you can ever go ALCOHOL FREE then read a little from the beginning of my blog.  I heard the other day that IF the thought of a future without alcohol terrifies you then you REALLY REALLY need to have one!  And it is true.  It made me so afraid.  Especially afraid that I would just keep failing.  I have failed for years!!!  But it is possible.  If it were not better I would be back drinking in a heartbeat.  

But it is SO MUCH BETTER and easier (most of the time) than you imagine.

Love to you all x

 

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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