238. In the mix

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It is tempting to want to put a shiny gloss on everything in our lives.  In this blog I know certain people I know will be reading it and I am ever so slightly conscious of their opinion.  If it were totally anonymous I think it would be a little different, as I would feel totally uninhibited.

I want to be realistic too in this journey.  I hope that I have not intimated that it is only pink fluffy clouds.  However, even though I feel moments of irritation, moments of why do people not get it?  Why do they have to just pour and pour and pour the booze down?? Why do I feel like an outsider in my own friendship group occasionally, not to mention my own family!? All these questions are real and they are there and they are MY ISSUE to deal with.

No one else has anything to do with my decision.  So whether it is a pat on the back or a slap in the face, it has to be received with a shrug of the shoulders.   It is nice to get a pat on the back and I get many of those, but in reality they have nothing to do with why I am doing this.   The slap in the face – well they are only on my imagination.. and no one really minds anymore that I am not joining the boozy slurry evenings… so the slaps in the face are not even real, they are my imagined feelings of being seen to be the odd one out.  And they too will have nothing to do with why I am doing this.

Why am I?  Why does anybody do something counter cultural and stick to it?  It is because it really suits me and I just absolutely love it.  If I know I am going to be in a situation where I feel on the back foot and the odd one out, I am just not going to go!  I do not have to subject myself to boozers every single occasion I encounter.  I don’t mind occasionally because not everyone I know is a massive boozer!!  That is certain!  But I am going to be more selective.  The few times I have really struggled with feeling misunderstood or the odd one out, and feeling massively uncomfortable are around good friends and in certain mental head situations… I am feeling shite to start off with, and the boozy cheer around me just contrasts too much in my head.

Apart from those times, I genuinely have loved this ”experiment”.  I am not going to stop now.  It is a massive yet tiny thing.  Just not sipping a certain liquid makes THIS much difference???  Odd.  Especially as I don’t remember myself as a total lush.  Just enough of a lush to feel shit about myself.

So now I don’t!  I feel like I am being true to myself at last.  And still not taking myself too seriously 😉  I do not say that life is perfect.  But it is very hopeful every single day.

Is there anyone out there who reads this?  Apart from the friends I KNOW who read it!  I am just curious as to who you are and how you are doing.  You can send me an anonymous email to barbsfalkiner@gmail.com

Have a lovely day ;-))))))

Byeeeee

 

 

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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