It’s a long while now….
Hello out there to you, who are watching this from the Netherlands, Australia, Italy, France, South Africa, UK and USA…. I am happy when I see a person has visited… It is encouraging, mutally so I guess.
The big deal of not drinking has been obvious to me the last few days. I have felt that old urge to get out of my head a little. Not for any reason that I can put my finger on. I am not particulary tetchy at the moment. Just busy I suppose.
It is vital for me to keep remembering why I am doing this. I hated the mornings after I had drunk too much. And this time last year I went to the birthday ”do”. My sister and our mutual really good friend had a dinner. (We are going tomorrow to the self same place that we went last year.) Last year I woke up the next day thinking I had lost my credit card, handbag and coat. Yes three losses. I sheepishly called the person who I THOUGHT gave me a lift home… all the while pretending to my kids that I was not feeling like a dead rice krispie….was my coat in their car? I called the restaurant, was my bag or credit card there? I found all three items at home. Coat hung in cupboard on a coat hanger…. not a clue that I had done that. Bag and card intact on kitchen chair. A little hidden. Hmmmmmmm. Massive memory loss about the end of the night, going to bed…. Flashes of smoking a cigarette with the chef…. Flashes of weeping and snotty me at the bar….
That was not a regular occurence I must admit, but it happened every now and then… I was feeling extra emotional and when that used to happen I went for it drink wise. Also if it was a big crowd and the wine was flowing, I would feel like I really needed to make sure I got my share (cringe). So that was a year ago. This year will be different. I will be an unrecognisably different creature. And a creature that I am proud of.
I even look forward to going to bed now, because I know I am going to sleep like a baby. I know I am going to wake up with that little pep of ”yippee” I am not hungover. It doesn’t get old. It really still excites me.
Saying all that, there are times when I marvel at why I can’t just have a glass or two of wine and leave it at that. But I’ve been there SO OFTEN it is actually boring. I would hate sitting there having one or two glasses when the wine is flowing. There would be no way I would enjoy myself. Now, I just know, it is not for me. Out of bounds. So tonight … I am going to our friends house (the restaurant scene of the crime is tomorrow night) for the pre-tomorrow birthday get together…. I have my mint leaves, my ginger beer, my bitters (I allow myself angostura bitters!!) my juniper berries and my quiche, hummous, veg, olives (we are doing nibbles) and I am going to wake up tomorrow feeling like a new zingy human…
Big cyber love to you all out there in your corners of the world, doing your sober thing, not doing your sober thing… Wishing you were doing your sober thing, contemplating doing your sober thing…. wherever you are in the ”soberville” life I send my HUGE LOVE.