203 days by midnight.

Just intriguing how similar we all are….

I am just sharing this from a penpal of Belle – I could have written it too once upon a time. Or anytime really…. You have to see it through for more than 100 days.  Otherwise that voice will convince you.

Badass (penpal #2781): “These past few days have shown me that I really don’t want to be a non-drinker – I do however want to be a “normal/weekend only” drinker – so I am going to try the moderation thing again – but this time with 100% willpower – I know this is a tough route to take, but it’s one I’m going to have to give another go as cutting things out of my life that I enjoy is just not an option for me.”

me: hi you, if we could be normal drinkers, we’d be doing it already. that we’re online looking for help to quit drinking is the truth. the rest is wolfie and I’ll agree, the addictive voice is very convincing. but it is lying to you 😦 and I think you know it, which is why you email to share with me. you know what I’ll say – I’ll say *not a good idea, try being sober for 100 days first and then decide.* hugs from me

Badass: “I know what you’re saying. The issue I have is this – I tried not drinking for 90 days and ended up a binge drinking mess the following 3 months – having tried the sober thing – I know it’s not for me. I also know I can’t continue drinking at the same rate and quantity as I have been doing. I am going to have to make willpower/controlled drinking work somehow… one thing I am sticking to right now is not drinking Sunday through Thursday – I’ll start there and see what happens.”

… a few days later…..

Badass: “My determined resolve to remain sober Sunday through Thursday … of course a couple turned into nearly a bottle and waking up with 3am fear – nightmares and feeling like my head is full of frogs today. I’m SO ANGRY – I don’t know what to do with myself.  I feel like crawling under my duvet but I have SO MUCH to do today and I knew that last night – I’m such a mess – why do I keep self sabotaging. I can’t be sober forever – not realistic – and I know you’ll say “it’s not forever, it’s just for now” but we both really know it’s meant to be a forever commitment eventually.  Uggghhhhhhhh – sorry for the rant. Every time I relapse I feel like a naughty school girl coming back to you for forgiveness and a part of me thinks – I don’t need sober support – I stopped drinking for two months on my own last time and found you in my third month – so I’m confused as to whether I do better stopping on my own or with extra help. I feel more empowered when I stop on my own – but not sure it works for long periods. Sorry for the rant – you are awesome – I’m just in bad place today. Sick of thinking about it ALL the time.”

 

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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