202. Energy ball

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I am writing more often, as I see there are more subscribers 😉  The posts are not possibly very interesting.  It would help to read from the beginning to get the gist – if you can be bothered…

Which brings me to being bothered.  One of the side effects of not drinking (and there are many many many small side effects… ) is that when you are bothered and upset by things, it is easier now to stand back, look at where you might be oversensitive, at fault, silly, feeding your sorrow and so on.  Before, the default position for me was to feel hurt, sorrowful, and then tell myself that I was miserable and then act miserable.  Like as if my thoughts were reality.  Being without the (not everyday) fug of alcohol smudging things there is much more mental energy available to me to sort out my head.  Instead of it being TOO HARD to sort out I can reflect.  Instead of thinking I am naturally at fault cos I overdrank, I can feel guilt free and take a realistic reality check on situations.

I am finding it difficult to see the youth whom I love,  embarking with glee on their drinking careers.  They are by no means the same as me, and by no means will they turn out to have this love hate relationship with alcohol that I do… I can remember that.  I would do well to remember that.  It helps me not to feel dismal.  I think that they think (already on dangerous territory here) that they are inwardly rolling their eyes with a ”mother just does not get it” kind of thought.  I think that they think that I am now boring.    Instead of believing these thoughts – or assumptions – of mine are true, I can look with clarity on and say HANG ON A MINUTE…. For a start you don’t really know what anyone thinks…..  You don’t know how people are going to turn out….. You have to let them make their own way…. You have to stop worrying about other people and take care of yourself.

Much healthier in the head.  I need my sober supports (podcasts, emails, friends in the same position and treats) to keep reminding me that what I am doing is THE HARDEST THING socially and emotionally.  But it is far and away the BEST thing for myself and for my close community – no matter what they think.

Man up (woman up) and face the toxic thoughts with reality and kill them before they start taking root and spoiling your day.  With no booze there is an energy ball to do that…..

Have a great Monday xx

 

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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