128. Really relaxing.

On holiday …. having first proper long holiday without wine, gin etc.

I put on FB the other day to someone, that it is my first ”sober” Christmas in 33 years or so… and my mom was horrified.  She thought I meant that I was rat-arsed every Christmas.  Which is not true.  Though certainly a few have been.  I feel I need to qualify…. to anyone who cares…. Sober just means no alcohol in contrast with little or lots of alcohol.  That is what it means to me anyway.

I am in my land of favourite wine.  South Africa.  I have been fine for the most part.  My sister is with me on day 128.  Cheers Nic!  I have not entertained any ideas of any drinking.  Its just squashed and not followed up by the brain.

When I have not been with the partner in crime (my sister)…I have had a few jealous moments and a couple of stampy foot moments…. Actually just one really.  Where I did feel just plain left out and etc.  No one noticed.  It was just me.

But on the other hand…. I have had pin sharp early mornings, a few runs on the beach, a few swims in the sea and lots of gorgeous African fresh air and sunshine.  I am re reading a brilliant book, that I absolutely loved about a family settling near Salisbury, Rhodesia, in the 1930’s.  I have finished Love Warrior… very worth a read.  Another sober babe.  And in general had a spoily time with my family.  Very very precious times.  I am very lucky.

I read this from mothermocktail as a comment she posted on a picture of the sea in Wales….. she’s an instagrammer:

The sun, sky, wind, water and sand – all so powerful and beautiful.  This makes me think of the intense feeling of warmth and joy within me when I find myself in a social situation surrounded by drinkers.  I feel so free, liberated and powerful… in such a beautiful way.  I have no need for what they need.  My needs are met simply by being there.  If I am offered a nice AF drink then I am even happier but if not, it really doesn’t matter.  I can deal with it.  I would never have felt this way before or even said this before sobriety.  Drinks had to be had.  It was a necessity, like treating and eating.  What chains I had around and within myself!  What punishment I was putting myself through.  It is all over.  I have found my freedom and I am keeping it…..

Lovely encouraging inspiring words.   Thank you mothermocktail…

Have a lovely Thursday evening wherever you are, whoever you are and

Byeeee from me.

 

PS let me know if you are out there.