128. Really relaxing.

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On holiday …. having first proper long holiday without wine, gin etc.

I put on FB the other day to someone, that it is my first ”sober” Christmas in 33 years or so… and my mom was horrified.  She thought I meant that I was rat-arsed every Christmas.  Which is not true.  Though certainly a few have been.  I feel I need to qualify…. to anyone who cares…. Sober just means no alcohol in contrast with little or lots of alcohol.  That is what it means to me anyway.

I am in my land of favourite wine.  South Africa.  I have been fine for the most part.  My sister is with me on day 128.  Cheers Nic!  I have not entertained any ideas of any drinking.  Its just squashed and not followed up by the brain.

When I have not been with the partner in crime (my sister)…I have had a few jealous moments and a couple of stampy foot moments…. Actually just one really.  Where I did feel just plain left out and etc.  No one noticed.  It was just me.

But on the other hand…. I have had pin sharp early mornings, a few runs on the beach, a few swims in the sea and lots of gorgeous African fresh air and sunshine.  I am re reading a brilliant book, that I absolutely loved about a family settling near Salisbury, Rhodesia, in the 1930’s.  I have finished Love Warrior… very worth a read.  Another sober babe.  And in general had a spoily time with my family.  Very very precious times.  I am very lucky.

I read this from mothermocktail as a comment she posted on a picture of the sea in Wales….. she’s an instagrammer:

The sun, sky, wind, water and sand – all so powerful and beautiful.  This makes me think of the intense feeling of warmth and joy within me when I find myself in a social situation surrounded by drinkers.  I feel so free, liberated and powerful… in such a beautiful way.  I have no need for what they need.  My needs are met simply by being there.  If I am offered a nice AF drink then I am even happier but if not, it really doesn’t matter.  I can deal with it.  I would never have felt this way before or even said this before sobriety.  Drinks had to be had.  It was a necessity, like treating and eating.  What chains I had around and within myself!  What punishment I was putting myself through.  It is all over.  I have found my freedom and I am keeping it…..

Lovely encouraging inspiring words.   Thank you mothermocktail…

Have a lovely Thursday evening wherever you are, whoever you are and

Byeeee from me.

 

PS let me know if you are out there.

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

One thought on “128. Really relaxing.”

  1. It’s interesting isn’t it how the word sober is perceived. Your mum jumped to the conclusion if you weren’t sober, you were pissed. I’m finding friends puzzled as to why I’m choosing to be sober, am I a recovering alcoholic? Can’t I just have one drink? Well, yes I can and often I did. And may be I will again. But right now I’m staying sober. And it feels good. Just like you. Nice post xxx

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