But there are ordinary times too.
My days are good. They still start with the superb feeling of waking up booze free. And the wee in the middle of the night superb feeling of not having drunk anything! If you never over drank you will not understand this.
I still sometimes feel: SHIT this is drastic. But then I get onto my podcasts and remember why I am doing this. Because I much more often than not, drink more than I would like to. I am doing this to see if I can last a year round the sun having nothing to drink on every occasion.
My daughter is now at university. I am an empty nester, and to be honest, it is rather lovely. I feel very relaxed and happy. I know there will be ups and downs, but if I was drinking now I would possibly be a bit of a mess. Because it is a cycle for me…
Drinking a bit too much takes off the edge…. and I would probably need a few edges off right now. BUT Drinking too much makes me detest myself. And having a low level of self detestation long term is very hard to live with. I especially see that now from the other side. So I would be feeling ”empty nest-ish”, drink to take the edge off, then possibly overdrink and then feel deeply shit. Drink again to cover up the deeply shit feeling and so on and so forth. So I am very happy to take the edge of in other ways. Walking, writing, eating 😉 exercise classes, reading…. lots of ways.
So this is not a wildly interesting post. It is just to say that life is much better and more balanced this side of the sober door. I am going away a good deal the rest of this year. I have my first phone call with the sober coach booked for next week. It comes with my package, so I might as well use it…. The 100 day mark looms and I want to make an agreement with her to carry on. I have a few fun things coming up when I may get the fuck it I want a drink feeling and I need to be prepared for this.
I hope you are well. Thanks for reading.