There is no question that staying on the path requires daily maintenance! Daily reminding of why you are doing what you are doing.
For me it is so vital that I really listen to those further along than I am. The small things they say have a big impact. For instance… the further along from day one you get the more the perspective changes. I really think I have had a click in my heart. I hope it lasts. I really really really do not want to drink. I am not saying never again, but something in me has shifted. I do not feel like the one who is losing out. I feel like the lucky one.
There is not a single morning that I wake up and don’t go: Phew!! I am sober … goody… it is wonderful. I cannot stress more, that if you are new reading this, that I was not an alcoholic. I just occasionally drank more than I wanted to. And sometimes tonnes more. But I would say, more often than not it was just a little more than I wanted to… But the difference is extraordinary. Knowing that I am in my safe space, my head is quiet, I feel that I have a certain integrity that I would not have if I was regularly transgressing my limits… Long may it last.
I read a post yesterday on the Club Soda page… Someone saying that they were fifty odd days in and were contemplating a few drinks at Christmas…. Classic. And I judge not, because that has been me – though not after fifty days sober… Always trying to find ways of managing my intake. Allowing little treats here and there. I was DESPERATE to be able to successfully moderate. I am yet to find one non-normal drinker who can. By normal I mean someone who ONLY DRINKS AS MUCH AS THEY WOULD LIKE TO. And is absolutely happy with their level of drinking. I have quite a lot of normy drinking friends. And also quite a lot of more boozy friends.
I would like to try a sober Christmas. These very words seem BORING to the drinker. And would have made me run a mile. But they now sound full of promise, full of sanctuary, full of hope and wonder. Yeeehi. I think I have turned a corner.
How are you all out there? (All? – few ;-))