64. Will you still need me….

Will you still feed me? When I’m 64 ….

Here is a story that kind of made my hair stand on end…. It’s from belle’s daily emails …. to her then to us…

L: “So ashamefully I had a relapse. I got to over 600 days sober, I stopped counting, then I thought I could have a couple of drinks. Then Saturday night went out, free bar, made a complete idiot of myself and can’t remember much more. Worst than that it was a work night out and I only went to get on with everyone as I’m on maternity leave and I look like a mad woman who can’t handle her drink – I have no off switch. Hopefully things will blow over but I feel like an idiot. I’m gutted I feel terrible, ashamed and embarrassed. I’ve been ignoring support and emails and sober tools. I want to be sober again so after the mother of Armageddon hangovers yesterday I have to say I’m on day 2 and today. Please reset my clock I feel like a complete loser, I’ve fallen out with my husband and feel like a fuck up and a failure.”

What the f**k?  I thought by 600 days… that is nearly two years… that one would be so under control.  But obviously not.  Dear God alive, I do not want to get to that point and go back to that old CRAP CRAP CRAP.  I know me and a free bar too!!!  I love(d) a free bar.   So gutting for her.  I feel her pain.  I am ten times less sober in time than she is ….. just goes to show that we are never invincible.

I am enjoying golden autumn days.  I have my darling family staying with me.  My sister is joining me in the journey and we are so happy both of us.  For our own different reasons, but also for our similar reasons.  If we had been shedded last night, hungover today and lacking in energy the whole holiday would have a different feel.  She says she would be low (to put it mildly) in patience with her two precious boys, I would be feeling sick and grotty and low in mood.  It would not be nearly as lovely with a hangover.  I love having them, and not drinking with one of my oldest drinking buddies has not been an ounce of an issue.  I know she would agree xxx

Love to you all



Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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