58. Is anyone still out there?


So far so good.

I am just streaming along at the moment.  Very very content to be off the booze wagon.  The thing which I guess is most obvious at the moment is that feeling of being able to look myself in the eye.  To be proud of myself and not skulking ashamedly inside about x or y thing that happened.  TBH I have not done anything outrageous for a good while.  I had been roughly okay drinking wise.  But still if I had gone even a little overboard, I would wake up in the middle of the night with a nagging horrible feeling of being in a crevasse of self dislike.   Why some people can have a boozy night and then brush it off as all good fun, and others are plagued with a sense of grottiness is beyond me.  I wonder it the day will come when I decide I have had enough of this gorgeous feeling of being just undiluted me, and then going on a alcohol experiment and seeing if I can feel okay after a boozy night… The following post encourages me not to…. From Club Soda.

I thought long and hard about whether to post this. I know that when you are at the beginning of your journey, long term sobriety may seem to be an impossible dream. It’s easy to believe that it is something that other people can do, but maybe they don’t have the stress and strain that you have in your life. Maybe they are those amazing people with willpower, who just set their mind to do something and they do it. Well that’s not me.

I am an overweight 47 year old who has no willpower. I loved wine. I would drink it every day. If I was stressed it calmed me, if I was happy it helped me to celebrate, if I was sad it comforted me and if I was hurting it numbed me. I could not imagine a life that didn’t have alcohol in it. I was the party girl. First on the dance floor and the last one to leave.

Then that changed. I’d had enough of feeling rubbish and lethargic. I’d had enough of waking up with shame and regret about the night before, but I often couldn’t remember why. I’d had enough of making a show of myself when I went out, because I just didn’t know when I had had enough. I changed my mindset and I changed my life.

I am so grateful to the many friends that I have met in Club Soda along the way. You helped me to change my life. I still have heartache and personal issues. In fact at the moment I am going through tough times…..but I treasure my sobriety. It gives me strength, it gives me hope and it gives me freedom.

Today could be the day that you say….enough. Do it….you’ll never regret it….I promise x

I feel like she could be describing me.  And she is on day 1000 which is 2 Years, 8 Months, 3 Weeks, 5 Days.  Can I do that?  Not sure…. but why would I leave this sacred space?

If you are out there give me a nudge…



Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

3 thoughts on “58. Is anyone still out there?”

  1. Thanks for this post. I’m on day 22 and happily sailing along enjoying a sober life. And then, about an hour ago, a rogue thought popped into my head from nowhere. I would like some wine. Surely one won’t hurt I thought? I’m doing so well and I have no intention of falling back into the alcohol trap but a small glass would be ok…? Well I stamped on that thought immediately but it’s still lurking …. until I read your post and the club soda post. And realised I’m immeasurably better off without it. That I’m incapable of just having a small glass. That this ‘spell’ would be broken and I would be back drinking a bottle a night in no time. So thank you for fishing me out of the shallows before I go deeper and drown again.
    Leah. X

    Liked by 1 person

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