54. Tick.

Checking in.

I am here and so so so so happy to be here!  I have more than survived so many social occasions now.  The bar in which I drink most often has the most amazing gingerbeer which I have with soda to lessen the sweetness.  My friend the bar maid knows now that I am not drinking and she pops the drink into a huge bowl of a wineglass with lots of lime wedges and it is totally and utterly fine.

I read this from Belle the babe:

You might feel like you’re the sort of person
who has to experience something for yourself
before you believe it,
before you know it’s true for you.

You might say:
“I’d would like to be sober for 100 days
but then I’m going to experiment with moderation
because even though you tell me it doesn’t work,
I need to find out for myself.
I need to experience it.”

And I’ll say
we’re all a bit like this,
wanting to see for ourselves.

But the truth is
there are other things
that we don’t play with:
— Heroin
— LSD.
I just wouldn’t do them, even if offered.
I don’t need to see for myself

I don’t have to find out what third-degree burns are like either.

And booze is the same thing.

I don’t know anyone who feels great after a relapse.
Those stories just don’t exist.
And if you have a brain that thinks:
“Well, maybe…”
that’s an indication of Wolfie in there talking nonsense.

Imagine he was saying:
“Well, maybe we can have just one glass of gasoline.”

You’d be like: 
“No, none.
I don’t need to know what happens if I have one.
I can live without that knowledge.”

It is a tough one. Nearly everyone is saying well just 46 more days then…. And I am going to be on a long haul flight around day 100.  With free Champagne and gorgeous wine on offer.  Flying to two of my best friends for a little reunion.  How about the irony of that?  I can’t moderate.  Not this year.  And maybe not next year.  And maybe never.  Thing is I am not even going to try it out.  Thank you I have won these 54 days hard.  I am going nowhere.

Hope you are all well.  What are your thoughts?



Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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