41. I almost lost count.

Some bellisimo wisdom

I am still here, despite not blogging for a few days 😉 I thought I was day 40 and in fact I am day 41 and time seems to have flown.

My friends are often saying to me (and ones’ better half included) that I am not THAT bad, and this is a drastic move.  I find it easy to get suckered in and agree.  I was not THAT bad, but bad enough to google ”am I an alcoholic” and ”why do I over drink”?  often enough.

The thing has been summed up for me a little in the following from belle the sober coach:

You’re not broken.
And how I know that is you remove the booze
and things get better.
Sometimes someone will email me and say
“What’s the matter with me that I over-drink?
What am I trying to drown out?
What is my problem?”
And I’ll say
Well, I don’t think there’s a problem.
I mean I used to.
When I first started blogging, I was asking the same questions.
I’ve been looking over my first month of my blog
and I was asking it all the time.
Now I think somebody should have said to me
“There’s nothing the matter with you.
You perhaps have a low frustration threshold
You perhaps have poor self-soothing/self-care skills.
And you’re consuming a product that’s addictive…”

“So why is it hard to quit or why do we drink?”
Because our brain asks for it.
“Why is it addictive?”
Why? Why?
I mean that just seems like such a non-useful line of thought
when really: 
You remove the booze,
things improve.

And then that’s enough

The above it true.  For now I am sticking with it.  I feel so much better and happier and absolutely free like this.  Things are better.  A little example.  I have forgotten to sign a cheque for a club and it has been weeks and I have not gone and signed it and the poor lovely lady is possibly quite frustrated with me.  I went and did it the other day.  If I had been hungover or even a few days away from a few wines, I would have had a pall of self dislike and shame.  She is a fresh faced, together seeming person who is efficient and organised.  People like that usually bring out my inadequacies..  But not this time.  I felt equally fresh and free and liked myself so much.

The last thing.  I cannot overemphasise the importance of the following for me.  If I am in a little sober car and I am gaining momentum the further I speed from day 1….. I still need daily podcasts and treats every now and then.  I still need to pat myself of the back and get guidance because I still could derail – especially after the 100 days is up.  I am not going to derail (I hope) because my sober car is full of fuel, I have the sat nav on and I am being assisted by my friend in the passenger seat who has been on this trip (journey uuurgh) before me… Thank you Belle.  You are not just a sober coach but a total life coach and I am so grateful.

I hope you are all okay… and doing swimmingly and all that … Love to you

 

Byeee

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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