32a. Narky niggles

You are getting an extra one today.

Even though I would not drink for £10 000 or more…. today I have been feeling that narky antsy niggling shitty feeling.  Sometimes I get a thought into my head and it eats at me all day.  Today was one of those days and I have continued to be obsessing and annoying myself with it.  There is really nothing I can do about solving the irritation.  And it is tiny but annoying to me.  So by this afternoon I was aaaarrrrghhhhhhhh.

Me: ”All I do is bake and clean and cook and clean up and make meals and clean up and sweep and shit shit.  I have nothing to look forward to like a normal person who can go out and drink a bit boozy drink and feel floaty and not a care in the world.  I am never going to do that so POOR ME.  Frowsy boring stay at home in her apron wifey.  Shitty crappy fucky aaaarghhhhh”.  That has been me all afternoon.  My itch cannot be scratched…. So what do I do?

I go away to be on my own.  I listen to three podcasts in a row and I feel a big sigh of relief.  Some of my ansty goes…. Then I go and I get my favourite glass – from Zara home, remember?  And I put in some ice and half a lime squeezed in and then I pour in a whole gorgeous sparkling tonic.  Then I type this.  Because my sober tools are:  listening, reaching out, writing and having a treat.

I cannot solve my teensy-in-the-scheme-of-things issue.  But I can just do what I can to feel a bit more special and a bit more cared for by ME!!

I hope you are having okay days.  Its Saturday and I need to have extra treats.  I am off to have a lovely deep bath…. Then some tuna and sesame and greens with my daughter and watch Bake Off.  I think that should do the trick.

Byeeeeeee and love to you all (all??? 😉 😉 )


Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

2 thoughts on “32a. Narky niggles”

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