It is a grey and cold and wet day.
The first of September…. Every year without fail my husband says, ”First of September, it’s like flicking a switch”. And he is correct. The day feels colder, shorter and in general more autumnal than yesterday. We notice the leaves changing colour and falling. Summer is soon to be a memory. Sniff sniff. I do love summer. But I also love autumn. I guess too, for me, autumn is a time when there are less obvious drinking occasions. So that is a good thing.
I have been thinking a lot about the socialising thing. Possibly because, for me, pre the entry through small -sober-door, it was what I was most afraid of. The occasions out and about that I could NOT drink at. Genuinely these were my thoughts…. ”Well if I can’t drink I won’t bother going” obviously not every single time, but often enough. So here is a way of reframing that. ”I am not really going for the people, I am going for the drinks.” Not very cool. Now, genuinely, I am happy to go out so that I can catch up with people and chat. I know that I will have all my wits about me and I can really be present when chatting. Really listen and care about what I hear. Instead of sniffing about for a refill….
I am in a transition stage in life. Kids are really noticeably more grown up and will leave full time home living in around 10 days – son and around three weeks – daughter. My son has effectively already done one year full time away. With home holidays of course. It will be the first time for my daughter. My hope is that they go away remember their mom how I have been this last month. I am so much less tetchy. Less reactive…. more thoughtful in what I say. I have time and energy like crazy. Witness the jam, cookies, brownies, and the AMAZING ginger beer…. All sorts of spin-offs from no booze. Love it.
Love it. Love you all.