This is an email to Belle which I liked ”Tired of thinking about drinking”
i’m the center* of my world …sarahjune: “I totally thought that sober people were forever wishing they could drink. That they were sad, repressed, always wanting. Boy, I could not have been more wrong.
So I ‘came out’ to most of my friends this weekend. My husband and I were at a BBQ with two couple friends of ours (who we’ve known since our booze-soaked college days) and our kids. One of my friends said that he wanted to change his drinking, he hadn’t had a drink in a week and he wanted to stop drinking to cope with parenting-related anger. I was scared shitless, but I chimed in that I was in the same boat as him. I had stopped drinking because I had been drinking too much and it made me feel like crap and made me a shitty parent. And that it was easier for me to cut it out entirely than try to control it. There were a few follow up questions, but nothing major. No one was scandalized; there was no pearl clutching or shouts of, ‘good heavens! Sarah’s sober! Alert the media!’ Logically I knew they wouldn’t really care but you know how it is. This has been such an important issue for me, so emotionally I thought it would be the same for them.
I’m glad I did it. I think maybe I should have a follow up convo with my friend who brought the whole thing up. Do you think I should talk to him first, or wait to see if he asks for advice or something?:
Belle: turns out nobody cares what we do 🙂 and the boozers are sometimes curious, cuz they want to know if they can do it, too. I love the idea of quitting drinking because of parenting related anger. like, could there be a better reason to be sober? and one where nobody would judge you for quitting? well done to you. and for your friend, if he knows you’re sober, that’s enough. he’ll ask for more when he’s ready. people have to reach out (like you did) when they’re ready. its in the act of reaching out that things change.
sarahjune: “Yeah. For sure. It’s hard for me to get over myself and realize that no one actually gives a shit. 🙂 I’m the center of my world, but lately I’ve been trying to think about how I impact the world. For instance, when I get in the car I remind myself to choose kindness, because I feel like it’s really easy for people to be assholes to each other when they’re driving. And not only do I feel like an asshole when I do shitty things while driving, but I take it so personally when people do shitty things go me, and then I feel weighed down by it for a long time. So I’m trying to put more kindness into the world, and trying (really) hard to be patient and forgiving with others. Because there’s enough assholery in the world, and I don’t want to add more into it.
You’re right about my friend. The thing is, when I figure something out for myself, I feel like I need to share it with everyone so I can fix their problems too. I think it’s connected to the issues I have with control. But I know if someone tried to fix me before I got sober I would be offended and angry. But just being an example of what life is like without alcohol is the better way to approach helping others. God, what would I do without you Belle? You’re like the angel on my shoulder, whispering smart, good things into my ear.”
*i used her spelling, from her quote; of course a canadian would spell it ‘centre’, didn’t want you think i was losing my mind …
Back to Barbs
It is day 24 for me. Thanks for following still if you have been. It is funny how worried we can be about being the non drinker, and yet really, no one actually cares…. Apart from the bigger boozers who feel just threatened by THEIR OWN VOICES in their heads… And believe me I was someone who was on high alert around a non drinker. My guilty me would surface to the fore!!! If you have a glass of liquid of any colour in your hand and you are chatting and sociable I have found that no one cares. I can really chat to people, I can offer to drive, I can look forward to having dessert because I am not drinking!!! I am calm for now. I love in the above how not drinking has had a knock on effect on her personality. She feels she can be kinder. It has so many positives….. How are you doing?
I am trying to figure out how to embed pictures!! So that I can make the blog a tad more personal… Tomorrow… BTW my ginger bug seems to have died. It was fizzing and is now quiet. Gutted. It has had loads of organic ginger and nice brown sugar…. Watch this space…. I am hoping to revive it. Byee love to you xx