It’s Friday night…
I thought I would do a little extra tonight as I must say I went brave and put my site on FB – obviously not my OWN home page :-). AND did get a lot more hits and two new followers urisk and krizia – hello there and thanks for following!! Whether you are lurkers, newbies, old soberistas or wherever … THANKS. for being with me – it is so encouraging that there are lots of us out there doing this amazing thing. Which it is. Absolutely amazing. And only a drinker will realise how amazing it is and how hard it is.
I think today has brought a slight shift inside me. I can think about a sober Christmas without too much flinching. And I LOVE(D) my wine – as we all do. And my Gin and my beer and my Aperol and prosecco and so on and on. But what I never thought was going to be possible seems like it might be on the horizon of possibility. You know, I have always been a tad jealous of an adult who does not drink. (A tad scathing too. Like …weirdo!) But still jealous and curious. Could I become one?
I met my first non-drinking adult (growing up in Zimbabwe drinking was a national sport) when I was about 21 years old. I was totally shocked and confused and yet curious. I will never forget him. Keith Withers was his name. And I asked him why, and he said that he was tired of viewing his life through an alcoholic haze. It left an impression on me as I boozed my way through my early twenties. I think between 17 and 23 I had barely any days without alcohol. Of course I grew up and it slowed down. I started going to church and that had a little bit of a good influence. But especially as my kids got a little older I have had SO MUCH ALCOHOL it is astounding. I have met other non-drinkers through the years and just thought that it was absolutely unobtainable. I tried. I have had two three months off period one in my thirties and one in my forties!! Big deal. Plus lots of 10 days here and there. I never drink on my own. I am not a bottle a day girl. But boy when I get going in certain company it goes large. I smoke (and I am no longer a smoker – not for years and years), I lose things. Phones, handbags, coats, keys. I STANDARD woke up with boozers guilt. Every single time I drank. Since I was young. I have sporadically kept diaries all my life, and the single constant I have written about is my wish to control my drinking. Drinking has spoilt more times than it has enhanced. It has taken away more from me than it has given.
So basically I guess what I am trying to say, through the rambling, is:
I feel a glimmer of hope that I can be the one with music as my drug of choice, dancing like a fool with an elderflower champagne (non alcoholic) in my flute. The one who is laughing and enjoying and swinging her crystal cut-glass tumbler full of tonic and lime as she joins in the party as a soberista.
I am SO MUCH HAPPIER. My plans ahead are not full of thoughts of ”how much can I get away with drinking and still drive?” or will I be able to say yes to that or will I be too hungover/pissed to cope? That is gone. I am spriting up in the morning. I can safely agree to do things without a shadow of worry. I love this life. It is EASIER not to drink.
Love to you all