Day 15 all of a sudden

Sailing plainly…

We are now here on the first stretch of over two weeks.  It is such a strange thing.  Going teetotal is something that does not seem to matter at all, but yet matters enormously at the same time.  It is hard to explain.   I guess if you are a high bottom drinker….. that is not a total alky… just a periodically heavy drinker (a drinker who wishes they drank less when they drank.  A drinker who regrets the excess but does not drink on their own or in the day time (unless of course it is lunchtime)).. A high bottom drinker as a opposed to someone with a low bottom (someone whose life is seriously compromised and affected by their drinking)….I digress.  As I way saying if you are a high bottom drinker, giving up totally seems pretty drastic.  Especially when you have had a good two weeks off and are finding it hard to remember the really bad times.  But it is good to pause.  To look around and to remember the days when all you could wish for was bedtime.  When the voices in your head were loud and accusatory, and when you felt shit shit shit about yourself.  I know that I am in the best place I have been in for many a moon.  Calm most of the time. Also knowing that I can get up really early every day and take my daughter to her job at the boulangerie.  I can get up with a whole heart.  I can look her (and myself) in the eye with confidence and know I have no secret shame.  I know too that I can be the driver if the kids need me.  Any time day or night.  I am the reliable adult.  The one they can trust to be themselves and not a product of themselves plus a skinful of booze.  Which really detracts from ones best self.  That is the truth.  Alcohol does not enhance us.  It degrades us.  But it pretends it will enhance us.  Make us sexier.  Make us funnier.  Make us more acceptable.  It is not true sadly from this side of the fence.

Blahdi blah.  Only two people have my blog name.  And I don’t know if it will ever change.  I love them two and I know they are doing well.  N and I.  Hello out there my fellow sobersistas.  The world needs me sober.  I have much to do and much to see and I am excited.

Love me.

Author: barbsfalkiner

Approaching fifty, life about to change and want to try something different....

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