Catching you up…
It has been a while… I am sorry that I have not blogged daily. I want to also find ways to make this more interesting with pictures etc. Anyway. I had a days of grotty irritation back on day 9 and just was so out of sorts. I was cross with number one husband and he was trying to be nice and I was not interested in his niceness as it felt like he felt sorry for me and I was a bit mean and very mean and shitty. But then I emailed Belle and I listened to some audios and I treated myself to chocolate and stuff and then I woke up and decided to BE NICE. To accept that he does not know exactly how to support me, but he wants to support me. I figured too, that if I was to give up smoking and then sit evening after evening surrounded by a bunch of smokers, buying them cigarettes and opening their packs of fags, and lighting them for them, then clearing their ashtrays and so on, IF I WAS DOING THAT…. it would be hard to give up smoking…. and effectively that is what I have been doing since day 3. And not feeling shitty. But maybe underneath there was resentment boiling up or something… That was silly to expose myself to the drinking so early on. Even though I still feel that I was okay doing it, I perhaps should have taken some time out….
Anyway. I made a decision to not take myself so seriously and to lighten up and be nice. And we have not looked back and he is being so gorgeously supportive and I am cool.
I am away right now. All are the the pub, I think. Earlier I had jealousy over the cold beers that were going round. But …..I have listened to Belle, I have had some chocolate. I am blogging. I will email. I will have a bath. I will pack my lime, lemon and grapefruit slices and go and find them in the pub and order a cocktail. I will obviously order a MOCKTAIL. Then when it gets to the end I will top up with sparkling water and slip in my slice of citrus and just enjoy the evening. And eat a lovely dinner… Treat.
I can only do today. Not a stitch of a point thinking beyond that. I am loving the fact that being long term sober opens up a whole host of possibilities…. work…. projects…. writing… painting…. just a challenge that I need. Something needed to give. I am going to be so productive and I have such potential.
Just for today. So we will gain our momentum in our little sober cars. And I really believe that putting distance between ourselves and day 1 will give us a whole new perspective … It will change. I love my two sober sisters… N and I. And wish them all the love in the world.